Welcome to Tony Richards Messages

02 - Recognise & Embrace Your Uniqueness part 1

Welcome to this week’s message on leadership, self-confidence, and how to feel good about yourself everyday as you interact with people, in safety and comfort, at home and work.

Last week’s message was all about the Cycle of Confidence and Leadership, and how it impacts your life.
It is the step that allows you to see that self-confidence is a birthright that entitles, and allows, you to feel good about yourself everyday.

This week’s message is about Critical Step 1. The Recognition and Embracing of Your Uniqueness.
It is the most important of the 5 Critical Steps. It is the step mostly closely linked to the very definition of self-confidence. (The mental attitude of having trust in, respect for, and reliance, on your own judgement.)

It stands to reason that if you cannot see yourself as a unique individual, capable of independent thought and action, then you may have, at some time, given up the power to make judgements that you would choose to have trust in, respect for and reliance on. If this power was taken, by life experiences, then it is time to consider taking it back. I would like to help.

This first Critical Step can be looked at in two parts. The first part could be seen as the What To Do part, which is to see and accept yourself as being different from everyone else. The second part is to Learn To Like that difference. Today’s message is the easier part, being recognition.

Although children already express their independence, and knowledge of their individuality, often by the age of two, it is surprising how often, when they grow up, people loose sight of the fact that they are entitled to independent thought and action. This happens because they have become exposed to some, or all, of the five great enemies of self-confidence.

Those enemies are self-doubt, guilt, uncertainty, conflict of conscience, and arrogance.
Self-doubt is when you question your abilities, skills, appearance or potential.

Guilt eventuates when you feel responsible for a given set of words or deeds that result in harm.

Uncertainty results when you are not sure how to handle a situation that you might normally deal with comfortably.

Conflict of conscience comes about when you believe that what you are about to do or say may be contrary to your moral values.

Arrogance — a demonstration of assumed superiority — is displayed by disdain towards others. Disdain is the opposite of respect. Respect is one of the principles governing self-confidence. If you act in a manner that is the opposite of confidence, you will eventually destroy the self-confidence needed to prevent further displays of presumed superiority.

The arrogance gets worse. And of course the person experiencing arrogance from others is also damaged, as this creates uncertainty and self-doubt, two of the five great enemies of self-confidence.

What those five enemies do is to combine, at times, in some people’s lives, to lead them to believe that they are not unique. And if you recall the Collins Dictionary describes unique as meaning, “without equal, incomparable, unequalled, unmatched, being the only one of a particular type, and very remarkable”.

And of course unique is what you are. The thing you have, that is most common with all other people, is that you are different. Not only is this a wonderful thing to never lose sight of but it is one of the greatest gifts you can give to your children and others. Any chance you get, you should take your children aside, one at a time and privately say to them, “Do you know what, I’ve noticed you’re different to everyone else, and isn’t that a wonderful thing to be?”

As children get older, their being different and knowing it is a good thing to be, are less vulnerable to peer pressure, and all the negatives that can induce, because they know that those who are different can make up their own minds and deal with any situation. They will grow up to be noticed as leaders.

Funny thing is, if you point out positive differences in adults, they are also appreciative in being recognised as different, but nice.

It can be a wonderful realisation that you are unique, and capable of independent thought and action. It is your uniqueness that allows you to respond to situations in your own manner and with your own judgements and decisions. How others treat you is a reflection of them. How you respond to the treatment of others will always remain a reflection of you.

The second part of this Critical Step (learning to like what you see in your uniqueness) will be the subject of the next message on this Critical Step, in some weeks to come. That is harder for some people to accept, but you will be given some great processes for liking the individual that you are. And when you like yourself, only then, will others start to like you too.

“Nobody holds a good opinion of a man who has a low opinion of himself”.
(Anthony Trollope – 1852-1882)

Spend time this week considering what you do, or think about, that reinforces what a unique and remarkable person you are. Please email me on how easy, or difficult, you find that Step and how prepared you are to Recognise and (most importantly) to Embrace Your Uniqueness.

Your stories – even short comments – are of great value to inspire others, and I would like to take the opportunity to include your stories, or comments, in upcoming episodes of ‘Special Interest Items’. They will be included as they fit into the theme of the message for that week.

Do you know anyone you can help with leadership issues, or just feeling good about themselves? Forward this message to friends and work colleagues; print it out and place it on notice boards, and give copies to those without computer access. Printing out, and compiling each weekly message in a folder, is a good way to build a total knowledge of self-confidence and leadership. It will provide certainty in dealing with every aspect of your life.

Next week’s message will be a special Xmas message that is just designed to make you feel good. Then again, feeling good is one of the expectations of self-confidence.

Until then, please continue to see yourself as a unique and remarkable person, who deserves to feel good about yourself every day.

Tony Richards.

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