Welcome to Tony Richards Messages

11 Recognise & Embrace Your Uniqueness Pt2

Welcome to this week’s message on leadership, self-confidence, and how to feel good about yourself everyday as you interact with people, in safety and comfort, at home and work.

Last week’s message was an explanation of Stage 1 of the Cycle of Confidence and Leadership.

If you wish to be reminded of that message, it is also available back on the message page.

This week’s message is part 2 of Critical Step 1. The Recognition and Embracing of Your Uniqueness.
It is the most important of the 5 Critical Steps. It is the step mostly closely linked to the very definition of self-confidence. (The mental attitude of having trust in, respect for, and reliance, on your own judgement.)

It stands to reason that if you cannot see yourself as a unique individual, capable of independent thought and action, then you may have, at some time, given up the power to make judgements that you would choose to have trust in, respect for and reliance on. If this power was taken, by life experiences, then it is time to consider taking it back. I would like to help.

This first Critical Step can be looked at in two parts. The first part could be seen as the What To Do part, which is to see and accept yourself as being different from everyone else. The second part is to Learn To Like that difference.

Today’s message supports the tougher part, being the part where you learn to like the unique and remarkable character that you are.
I am often confronted by people who tell me they know that they are unique, but find it difficult to like themselves. Many people become persuaded by life experiences to dislike themselves and others, which can be a terrible indictment of how they have been treated.

As it is imperative for each person to see themselves in a positive light for them to be continuously happy, I like to look at a couple of processes to assist people to like what they see, once they’ve recognised their uniqueness. The first thing I do is to get them to look at the meaning of unique.

The Collins Dictionary describes unique as meaning, “without equal, incomparable, unequalled, unmatched, being the only one of a particular type, and very remarkable”. Having accepted that definition I find that those without a positive view of themselves are often caught in a continuous cycle of making comparisons between themselves and others. Now comparisons are very interesting. You make comparisons of others every day.

That is how you choose your partners and your friends. Comparisons determine whom you sleep with, whom you invite over for a barbeque on the weekend, and whom you choose to just hang out with. That is how you maintain an edge in competitive endeavours. You are entitled to feel good about, and gain confidence from, any skill or quality you possess that is comparable to others.

Any skill or character quality you can positively attain by comparison to others will advance your levels of self-belief. That makes comparisons with others a valuable, and certainly useful, instinctive skill to exercise. However when you apply the same process to yourself, when searching for examples of your originality, you are leaving yourself vulnerable to unhappiness and a loss of self-assurance.

Suppose you were to sit down and seriously decide to write just one thing that you don’t like about yourself, just one! Try it now and you will see that whatever you write can be compared with what you would like to see about yourself. You will have made a comparison.

Therefore comparisons, although useful to see positives, can be harmful if used to display negatives. So the skill I get people to practice is to push aside any thoughts of comparisons as part of the examination of who they are.

As an example, if you observe the definition of unique you will see that one of the descriptions is “incomparable”. Once you have accepted that you are unique, it is also important to remember that nothing can be “rather unique” or “very unique”. Uniqueness is an absolute state. So whether you like it, or not, you are “incomparable, and very remarkable”.

You will have to learn to live with that. Avoiding the ‘comparisons’ does need to be practiced, as if you have spent a lifetime following that course, you need a reasonable amount of time to develop the new habit of resisting ‘comparisons’.

You will find that resistance much easier when you receive messages that help you to understand the next two Critical Steps being, Step 2, “Celebration of Achievements”, and Step 3, “Writing a Vision Statement”. Both of those Steps will link into this first Step to create a much more clear picture of who you are, and how easy it is to like what you see.

Also remember how this message started, with a definition of self-confidence (The mental attitude of having trust in, respect for, and reliance, on your own judgement.) and remind yourself of the close link between this first Critical Step and that definition. They go together. You cannot expect to maintain confidence without consideration of this Step.

Spend time this week considering what you do, or think about, that reinforces what a unique and remarkable person you are. Please email me on how easy, or difficult, you find that Step and how prepared you are to Recognise and (most importantly) to Embrace Your Uniqueness.

Your stories – even short comments – are of great value to inspire others, and I would like to take the opportunity to include your stories, or comments, in upcoming episodes of ‘Special Interest Items’. They will be included as they fit into the theme of the message for that week.

Do you know anyone you can help with leadership issues, or just feeling good about themselves? Forward this message to friends and work colleagues; print it out and place it on notice boards, and give copies to those without computer access. Printing out, and compiling each weekly message in a folder, is a good way to build a total knowledge of self-confidence and leadership. It will provide certainty in dealing with every aspect of your life.

Next week’s message will move us forward together, as we explore the Second Critical Step to self-confidence and leadership, Celebration of Achievement. It is a wonderful message that provides us with an opportunity to practice a skill that we may not have used since childhood. It will be followed in coming weeks by each of the other Five Critical Steps.

Until then, please continue to see yourself as a unique and remarkable person, who deserves to feel good about yourself every day.

Tony Richards.

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