Welcome to Tony Richards Messages

18 Recognise and Embrace Your Uniqueness Pt3

Welcome to this week’s message on leadership, self-confidence, and how to feel good about yourself everyday as you interact with people, in safety and comfort, at home and work.

Last week’s message was all about the Cycle of Confidence and Leadership, and how it allows you to see that self-confidence is a birthright that entitles, and allows, you to feel good about yourself everyday.
If you wish to be reminded of that message, it is also available back on the message page.

This week’s message is about Critical Step 1. The Recognition and Embracing of Your Uniqueness.
It is the most important of the 5 Critical Steps. It is the step mostly closely linked to the very definition of self-confidence. (The mental attitude of having trust in, respect for, and reliance, on your own judgement.)

It stands to reason that if you cannot see yourself as a unique individual, capable of independent thought and action, then you may have, at some time, given up the power to make judgements that you would choose to have trust in, respect for and reliance on. If this power was taken, by life experiences, then it is time to consider taking it back. I would like to help.

This first Critical Step can be looked at in two parts. The first part could be seen as the What To Do part, which is to see and accept yourself as being different from everyone else. The second part is to Learn To Like that difference.

Today’s message supports the tougher part, being the part where you learn to like the unique and remarkable character that you are.
Although you may, at rare times in your life, have a less than positive view of yourself, it always prompts the question about what choices do you have? Some people have plastic surgery to change some aspects of their appearance but does that necessarily change the person?
I don’t doubt, that in some instances, those who do that get some temporary boost to their self-image, but I am curious as to how long that lasts.

Professor Robert Winston, the renowned British sociologist said,
“If you’re born with short legs and a tendency to be a bit fat, you’re not likely to become an Olympic running champion, even if your parents try to force you. But each child inherits some genes from either parent in a completely random way and therefore each child has its own unique potential”.

That statement tells me that you have little choice but to learn to like who you are and how you see yourself. If you want to spend your life feeling good, what other choice do you have?
There is very little probability that you can change much about the external self.

There is a lifetime ahead of you with opportunities to work on the internal self and personal acceptance of who you are is a great first choice. And besides, once you’ve accepted the First Critical Step why would you want to change anything? No matter how many people grow to love you, and no matter how many friends you have, you should always be your own best friend.

An acceptance of that friendship will give you certainty and direction in many of the most important decisions in your life. It was the first American President, Abraham Lincoln (1809-1856) who said,

“I desire so to conduct the affairs of this administration that if at the end, when I come to lay down the reins of power, I have lost every other friend on earth, I shall at least have one friend left and that friend shall be down inside me”.

No, you will not necessarily come to run your own country if you are self-confident, but you will not achieve anything at all if you are not confident. Besides, confidence is such a socially attractive feature to possess, that you deserve to have people attracted to you.

I have always loved the company of small children, and I sometimes wonder if it is their confidence, expressed through their innocence, that I find so magnetic. Until the world teaches them to have self-doubt, to feel guilty, to be uncertain etc. they move through their young lives just enjoying the experience. The company of small children can be very therapeutic.

They know from a very young age that they are different from everyone else, and when they get taught that being different is not a good thing, they start to develop the lack of confidence in themselves that leads to unhappiness and rebellion in later years.

Alternatively, when they get taught that being different is a good thing, they start to develop the confidence in themselves that leads to certainty, and happiness in later years.

Is it possible that you have been taught some negative lessons that have not yet left you? Remember the definition of unique. The Collins Dictionary describes unique as meaning, “without equal, incomparable, unequalled, unmatched, being the only one of a particular type, and very remarkable”.

That defines who you are. Therefore if you can like what you have, rather than have what you like, you will be much happier. Come on, I can hear you say, “boring,” from here. That doesn’t mean for a moment that you can’t aspire to have more of the things you like. Of course you can, but that could take time, and if you can be happy in the meantime, you will be ecstatic when you achieve the other things you deserve, or the things you just want.

Spend time this week considering what you do, or think about, that reinforces what a unique and remarkable person you are. Please email me on how easy, or difficult, you find that Step and how prepared you are to Recognise and (most importantly) to Embrace Your Uniqueness.

Your stories – even short comments – are of great value to inspire others, and I would like to take the opportunity to include your stories, or comments, in upcoming episodes of ‘Special Interest Items’. They will be included as they fit into the theme of the message for that week.

Do you know anyone you can help with leadership issues, or just feeling good about themselves? Forward this message to friends and work colleagues; print it out and place it on notice boards, and give copies to those without computer access. Printing out, and compiling each weekly message in a folder, is a good way to build a total knowledge of self-confidence and leadership. It will provide certainty in dealing with every aspect of your life.

Next week’s message will move us forward together, as we explore the Second Critical Step to self-confidence and leadership, Celebration of Achievement. It is a wonderful message that provides us with an opportunity to practice a skill that we may not have used since childhood. It will be followed in coming weeks by each of the other Five Critical Steps.

Until then, please continue to see yourself as a unique and remarkable person, who deserves to feel good about yourself every day.

Tony Richards.

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